remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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