I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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