were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
