Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
