The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Where is the hickey?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
