O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
