So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
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My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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