Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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