I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
