A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
we should paint friendship bongs
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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