kristin has been a bad kristin
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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