i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The ass gains better be worth it
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