My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
