do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
