HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
