I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
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He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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