He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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