You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
