Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
