There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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