how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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