So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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