apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The ass gains better be worth it
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