i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
