I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
