omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
