when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
