I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
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why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
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It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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