I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
