drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
