sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
