he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
