I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
