I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize