Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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