I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
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I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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