just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
