We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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