i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
