I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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