i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
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My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
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He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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