On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We left the knife in your bed.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
