i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
