How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize