I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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