We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
