I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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