Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
