Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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