Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
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the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
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We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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