Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
