Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
