I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
