Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
