I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
