somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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