"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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