I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
