Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i wish my penis had a tongue
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
