I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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