i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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