then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
