haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
