Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
