WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
