imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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