I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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