the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
