I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
