I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
