It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
