i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
