I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize