so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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