She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
