I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
