We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
