I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
