32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
