News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
