if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
