Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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