I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Randomize
