i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
