Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
