shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
