peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
